Confession session: I am angry about ...

First things first: I managed to drop the pound I previously gained and another one as well. Yea me!! My weight is now 239, which is exciting because I haven't seen the 230's since before I got pregnant with my second daughter Lola.

I am continuing my battle to lose weight, but I gave up on Weight Watchers. I hated being saddled with having to long into my account several times a day to plug in what I'd eaten. I know, because I read it in both Glamour and Woman's Day, that people who keep food journals are more likely to lose weight and keep it off, and I agree this is an excellent way to track your intake, feelings and recognize habits; however, I can do all this without having to pay to do it.

When I was pregnant with my first child, Amelia, my doctor had me keep a food journal to track my calories as well as my blood sugars in the mornings and after meals. I had no problem keeping up with that so I have begun doing it again.

Additionally, I love Dr. Oz, who regularly appears on "Oprah." He recommends eating a "rainbow" of foods everyday and points out power foods that everyone should add to their diet. Because of him, my family has learned to love walnuts, endamame (which is a fancy word for soy beans) and whole grain breads, waffles and crackers. Dr. Oz also pointed out this week that losing weight isn't about being on a diet, but about changing your diet for the rest of your life. The biggest change I have to make is to add more fruits and vegetables to our diet and subtract as many processed foods as possible.

Also on "Oprah" this week was a group of 16 teens who were struggling to lose weight. A counselor on the show pointed out when those kids overate they weren't trying to feed a hunger for food, but a hunger for something else. That really resonated with me because I am a serious emotional eater. Both the girls have been sick the past few weeks. During this time I've caught myself on many occasions pilfering in the refrigerator and cabinets in search of something. I know now I wasn't looking for food, but rather a way of not dealing with the stress I was feeling in coping with these sick babies.

On that same episode of "Oprah" the counselor encouraged those young people to reach deep within themselves to locate and express the anger they'd been keeping buried. She said releasing that anger would free them to better move forward in tackling why they're overweight. In response to her suggestion I decided to compose my own list.


1. I am angry that I have a problem following through on things I start.

2. I am angry that my kids do not have a healthier example of a mother.

3. I am angry that I have no family on whom I can rely other than my husband and my mother-in-law.

4. I am angry that it is a struggle for me to ask for help.

5. I am angry that I get jealous of photos of other families having fun with friends posted on Facebook.

6. I am angry that selling my mother's home and property is proving to be harder than I expected.

7. I am angry that I get invited to fancy-schmancy clothing parties and would like to attend for the social interaction, but always turn down the invitation because I don't have $50 to drop on a single kid's dress.

8. I am angry that Lola has to have cranial surgery.

9. I am angry that Amelia will have to go to what I consider a less-than-optimal school.

10. I am angry that I feel most days as if I've failed at something.

11. I am angry that when she died my mother left her state of affairs in a big ol' mess that I am now responsible for cleaning up.

12. I am angry that I expect my husband to be able to read my mind.

13. I am angry that I am often passive-aggressive - a trait I abhorred in my momma and hate even more in myself.

Whew! I feel better now. I don't usually allow myself to indulge in a pity-party, but the counselor said getting all this junk out in the open is good for both the heart and soul. I guess only time will tell how good it is for me.