Excuse me, have you met my daughter, Miss Sassy Mouth?

Dang it, if I didn't love her so much I swear I'd throw Amelia in traffic! She has been behaving terribly today, and it's about to drive her daddy and me to the brink of insanity.

As an example, I give you this conversation that transpired before bedtime:

Me: "Amelia, I am not reading both of those books. You pick one. I am only reading one."

Amelia: "But momma I need to tell you something. We can read one (story) from that ("Treasured Tales of Childhood") and then this book. Ok? That's what I want. That's my choice."

(Wraps her blanket around her head and turns her back toward me.)

Me: "Amelia, I know that's your choice, but I am telling you I am only reading one book tonight. Now pick which one you want me to read."

Amelia: (Turns slowly and cuts her eyes at me.) "I am not talking to you."

Me: "Turn around here and look at me, missy! Just for that I am not reading anything to you tonight! You know you're not supposed to be a sassy mouth!"

Amelia: "Okay, I won't do it ever again."

Me: "I am still not reading to you. You're going to learn you can't talk to me like that. Now, come on you're going to bed."

Amelia: (Bursting into tears.) "But mommy, I want you to read to me!"

I swanee, this girl has been pushing our buttons so hard lately. I know, as the pediatrician so politely put it, she is just "testing the waters" to see how far she can go; but I am afraid her daddy and I are going to drown trying to keep her reigned in.

We both work very hard to teach her manners and social skills, and for the most part, our work has paid off because she is a very kind, gentle and well-mannered little girl. However, in the last few weeks she has developed the propensity to back talk and argue with us, which drives me nuts.

Her favorite comeback is "but I need to tell you something," which is usually uttered after we've issued an ultimatum of some sort (i.e.: you cannot use Gorilla Glue to make a button picture; no, you may not wear red lipstick to school today; it's too cold to wear a tank top and skort even if you wear a boggan too so go change clothes; cookies are not a breakfast food.)

In the last week, though, she has brought out some new "sassyisms" such as "leave me alone," "I can't hear you," "blah, blah, blah" and the aforementioned "I am not talking to you."Tonight she dropped a new one on her daddy when she told him, "You're driving me nuts." Daddy replied that she is driving him nuts to which she responded, "You're making my brain turn around in circles."

I think we're going to have to throw the hammer down now to nip this in the bud before it gets all kinds of out of control. She was grounded recently for a week from the computer for biting her sister, an action she defended by saying "that was my choice." (Amelia has really been jealous of Lola lately.)

Having no computer time really left an impression because she's been much nicer to Lola and has been very agreeable to our computer time rules, which she has railed against in the past. Because of the success of this course of action, we'll probably begin instituting discipline after the first infraction rather than issuing a warning. She seems to respond better to this.

After all, if she's going to test us then we're going to have to show her there are consequences for venturing out in these choppy waters. Hopefully, we'll all survive.

Confession session: I am angry about ...

First things first: I managed to drop the pound I previously gained and another one as well. Yea me!! My weight is now 239, which is exciting because I haven't seen the 230's since before I got pregnant with my second daughter Lola.

I am continuing my battle to lose weight, but I gave up on Weight Watchers. I hated being saddled with having to long into my account several times a day to plug in what I'd eaten. I know, because I read it in both Glamour and Woman's Day, that people who keep food journals are more likely to lose weight and keep it off, and I agree this is an excellent way to track your intake, feelings and recognize habits; however, I can do all this without having to pay to do it.

When I was pregnant with my first child, Amelia, my doctor had me keep a food journal to track my calories as well as my blood sugars in the mornings and after meals. I had no problem keeping up with that so I have begun doing it again.

Additionally, I love Dr. Oz, who regularly appears on "Oprah." He recommends eating a "rainbow" of foods everyday and points out power foods that everyone should add to their diet. Because of him, my family has learned to love walnuts, endamame (which is a fancy word for soy beans) and whole grain breads, waffles and crackers. Dr. Oz also pointed out this week that losing weight isn't about being on a diet, but about changing your diet for the rest of your life. The biggest change I have to make is to add more fruits and vegetables to our diet and subtract as many processed foods as possible.

Also on "Oprah" this week was a group of 16 teens who were struggling to lose weight. A counselor on the show pointed out when those kids overate they weren't trying to feed a hunger for food, but a hunger for something else. That really resonated with me because I am a serious emotional eater. Both the girls have been sick the past few weeks. During this time I've caught myself on many occasions pilfering in the refrigerator and cabinets in search of something. I know now I wasn't looking for food, but rather a way of not dealing with the stress I was feeling in coping with these sick babies.

On that same episode of "Oprah" the counselor encouraged those young people to reach deep within themselves to locate and express the anger they'd been keeping buried. She said releasing that anger would free them to better move forward in tackling why they're overweight. In response to her suggestion I decided to compose my own list.


1. I am angry that I have a problem following through on things I start.

2. I am angry that my kids do not have a healthier example of a mother.

3. I am angry that I have no family on whom I can rely other than my husband and my mother-in-law.

4. I am angry that it is a struggle for me to ask for help.

5. I am angry that I get jealous of photos of other families having fun with friends posted on Facebook.

6. I am angry that selling my mother's home and property is proving to be harder than I expected.

7. I am angry that I get invited to fancy-schmancy clothing parties and would like to attend for the social interaction, but always turn down the invitation because I don't have $50 to drop on a single kid's dress.

8. I am angry that Lola has to have cranial surgery.

9. I am angry that Amelia will have to go to what I consider a less-than-optimal school.

10. I am angry that I feel most days as if I've failed at something.

11. I am angry that when she died my mother left her state of affairs in a big ol' mess that I am now responsible for cleaning up.

12. I am angry that I expect my husband to be able to read my mind.

13. I am angry that I am often passive-aggressive - a trait I abhorred in my momma and hate even more in myself.

Whew! I feel better now. I don't usually allow myself to indulge in a pity-party, but the counselor said getting all this junk out in the open is good for both the heart and soul. I guess only time will tell how good it is for me.

Flashback Friday: This makes me giggle

At the behest of blogger buddy Anne Glamore, who writes the hilarious and poignant "My Tiny Kingdom," I have decided to participate in her Flashback Friday project. This is the second week of the project but I am posting for the first time because I was not "Feeling Red, White and Blue" for the inaugural edition of the project.


This photo for sure makes me giggle. In it me and my first cousin Dee Dee, who's gonna kill me if she ever reads this, are showing off our newly-minted tans. Don't we look ready to strut our stuff for Coppertone?

This photo was taken when I was about four, which would have meant Dee Dee would have been almost six. We were on vacation with my momma, her sister, Gayle; Gayle's son Joey and his best friend Danny. We stayed at the Fontainebleau Terrace in Panama City Beach, Fla., which in 1978, when we stayed there, was not the party place it is today.

This was an interesting trip because Dee Dee and I were barely Kindergarten age, but Joey and Danny were either nearing or already 18. My momma and Gayle had to juggle keeping the two youngest kids engaged and entertained, which usually entailed spending lots of time at the beach, as well as making sure the two oldest checked in from time to time and didn't do anything to get in trouble. I cannot fathom attempting this kind of trip now that I am an adult.

This photo also elicits giggles from me not because of the ridiculous face I am making as a result of having stuffed my mouth with ice but because I am riding between the two front seats of Gayle's car with nary a safety restraint in sight. The six of us (four adults, two children) traveled to the beach in Gayle's Chevrolet Monte Carlo, which was equipped with plastic-covered bucket seats. As is evident from this photo I am riding backwards between the bucket seats.

During Christmas last year Dee Dee, who now lives in Virginia, and I reminisced about this trip. I told her I recalled the two of us fighting over who got to sit on the "hump" in the backseat between the two boys. She won, which is how I ended up seated on the console between the front seats. However, I also recalled being highly peeved with her because she spent a large portion of the trip lying in the back window but still refused to let me sit on the coveted hump.

I laugh now thinking about how lucky we were to have never been involved in a car accident while riding in the car like this. Had we been in a collision all of us, none of whom were strapped in, would have become human projectiles. In fact, several years after this trip, Gayle and her daughter were involved in an accident at a busy intersection in Albertville, AL. Because they weren't belted in the Monte Carlo, Gayle went through the windshield with such force she had glass embedded in the bones of her skull and her daughter was thrown into the floorboard resulting in a very traumatic break to her leg.


This last photo doesn't make giggle, but makes me cry. You can tell how enamored I am with my momma. In this photo I am about the same age that Amelia is now. I can only hope she is as crazy about me as I was about my momma. This photo was taken years before I became aware of the many demons my momma battled and before I came to know she was fallible.

I love this photo not just because it so clearly illustrates the love we shared, but also because it's one of the few taken on this trip in which momma is not holding a cigarette. She was seriously addicted to smoking, and this addiction is what killed her. I begged her to quit, but even after being diagnosed with emphysema and being told by doctors that she would die if she didn't quit, momma continued to smoke until she drew her last breath.

Momma has been gone now almost two years. I miss her immensely and wish she were here to see Amelia, who was barely three when "Gran" died, and know Lola, who was born in June. It's so hard being a motherless mother and even harder being a parent-less parent (my daddy died almost 22 years ago). I often feel lost as if I am without an anchor, but I am so fortunate to have my dear beloved husband, Jeff, and our two beautiful girls to keep me grounded and remind me why I keep on keepin' on.

Confession session. Boo Hoo!

Well, we're all sad here at the old Poole ranchero because momma stepped on the scales yesterday and they read 241. Yep, you read that right - I gained a pound.

I am honestly surprised the scales didn't register a higher number because I spent the last week eatin' like a big ol' hawg! I'd like to blame it on the girls being sick, lack of sleep and my continued struggle to stick with Weight Watchers, but honestly I just threw in the towel and reverted back to my old comfortable ways.

This is truly much harder than I dreamed it would be. Old habits are so ingrained that they are immensely hard to break. I am trying so hard to be mindful that permanent changes never come easy and taking it slow and steady will help me to win this race; but, dang, it's frustrating.

Oh well. I must move on now keeping my past mistakes in mind as I continue to fight these demons.

Elation!

It's a great day to be an American!

My kid the infomercial junkie

Ok, I've known for a long time that Amelia watches too much television, but it has become more apparent to me recently after she began touting the advantages of several infomercial products.



The Snuggie is probably her most favorite as-seen-on-TV product right now. She talks often about its attributes including the fact her hands would be free, but she would still be warm if she had her very own Snuggie in which to wrap herself.

“Blankets are OK but they can slip and slide, plus your hands are trapped inside.”

For a long time, I didn't have to worry about commercials infiltrating my little girl's psyche because she only watched Noggin and PBS Sprout, both of which are commercial-free. However, after losing Sprout when we switched from Direct TV to Charter (a move I still regret) and someone at school telling her that Noggin is for babies, she began requesting to watch "the orange splat and the white splat," (her code for Nickelodeon), as well as Disney and Cartoon Network.


I don't necessarily have a problem with the programming on these channels. I mean, we love "Little Einsteins," "Wonder Pets," and "The Mighty B," but the plethora of commercials is nothing short of aggravating.




In recent weeks she has made requests for Bendaroos, which are comprised of "magical wax over super-strong string!" The power of marketing has her convinced that Bendaroos would provide her with hours of fun. Never mind that she has hundreds of toys that she barely gives a passing glance.

"Bendaroos: Amazing, flexible building sticks!"

Amelia doesn't limit her requests for infomercial goodies to herself. No. She has also said I need a Pancake Puffs maker, which promises "the perfect puffs every time."

"Make an endless variety of Pancake Puffs!"

In addition, Amelia is also positive I need to order SpinLash, "the mascara that revolves around you," and knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that Grandmaw's life would be infinitely better if she were in possession of a Big City Slider Station that purports to create "restaurant-style mini burgers."

"Order now for only $19.99!"

"Just scoop, press and cook!"

I must admit that Amelia comes by her love of infomercials quite honestly. When I was a child I LOVED the Time Life music collection commercials, which is why to this day I know by heart snippets of several songs from collections such as "AM Gold" and "Summer of Love." Additionally, I have also fallen victim to the power of the infomercial as I ignored my better judgement last summer and purchased a set of AquaGlobes.

"Never worry about leaving plants unattended again."

This purchase proved to be a big waste of money as these very fragile globes are not only immensely hard to fill with water but also don't work as well as the commercial shows (surprise, surprise).

However, its Amelia's great-aunt, Auntie Tee, who is probably most swayed by infomercials. Auntie Tee has a great love for Billy Mays and the products he sells. She loves QVC and HSN as well and owns many of the items sold on both of these channels.

Apparently, QVC and HSN products are somewhat better than those sold on infomercials because Auntie Tee has had great luck with both the No-Buzz Zone mosquito-repellent band and the QuikTop Airtight and Watertight Soda can lids.

Despite Amelia's protestations I have thus far refrained from ordering any of the aforementioned items. I have been keeping my eye on her though because now that she has learned to recognize numbers and has a keen grasp on how to use the telephone, I am fearful she may try to place an order all by herself. Good thing for me that she doesn't yet understand how to use a credit card.

Confession session

Last week I joined Weight Watchers in an attempt to drop some of the many excess pounds I've been toting around for the last decade. I have to say it's been a bit overwhelming trying to adjust to keeping track of every bite that goes into my mouth and planning what I am going to eat throughout the day.

My first week on Weight Watchers was kind of a practice run just so I could get used to following the plan. I didn't do so hot on this trial run. I didn't gain any weight (hallelujah), but I didn't lose any either. Losing any pounds would have been an absolute miracle considering on one day of "following" the plan I used 49 more points than I'd been allotted!

I am slowly getting used to making better food choices, which certainly helps keep me at or near my points allottment. While I intend to continue making progress toward eating better, which will help keep my diabetes under control, I also plan to begin adding exercise to my regimen. My long-term goal really isn't to lose weight, even though I will if I get the hang of this new way of living, but is to overcome my diabetes and my sleep apnea, both of which are not only aggravating but also, in all honesty, life-threatening.

In a show of solidarity I am joining three friends in tracking my weight-loss not just on my Weight Watchers page, but also on my blog. Our hope is that we can keep each other motivated as well as help keep ourselves accountable.

Having friends as well as my dear beloved husband Jeff to support me in this endeavor is truly a wonderful gift. I've also been inspired by Ruby, a woman from Savannah, GA who appears on a Style network reality show that follows her struggle to lose down from 477 pounds. I watch her and think, "If she can do this as big as she is, I should certainly be able to do this." It's really motivating to watch her. If you haven't seen her show, I highly recommend it.

Because I believe I will be more likely to accomplish my goals if I am completely honest with myself and my friends, I am going to do something some people might think a little insane: I am going to own the number on the scale and post it here for the world to see. Ready?

My current weight is 240 pounds. I am 5 feet, 4 inches tall and am 35 years old. And, so I can own this as well, by BMI or body mass index is 41.2, which officially puts me in the obese category. A woman of my height and age should have a BMI of less than 30.

Well, there you have it - in all its nasty, blubbery glory. I am a fatty-boomba-latty. I own who I am today and am planning for who I want to be in the future. Wanna come along?

Oh crafty day!

I am slowly working on fulfilling my resolutions for the new year. One thing I have managed to do is devote more time to doing crafts with Amelia.

I picked up these adorable ceramics at Wal-Mart on Friday after preschool. We've been painting up a storm ever since. When I was a little girl I painted ceramics with my paternal grandparents, who actually had a business devoted to ceramics and pottery. I had forgotten how much I loved painting.

Amelia loves getting to spend this special time with me, and I love being able to chill out and get into a zone painting. Of course, as is prone to happen when you mix children and paint, Amelia really messed up one of her shirts even though she was wearing one of her daddy's t-shirts as a painter's smock. Oh well, small price to pay for a few hours sanity.

Check out the products of our labor. Can you guess which one I painted?

This year I resolve to ...

1. Put myself back on my to-do list. Oprah recommended this on Monday and it really struck a chord with me. I know I am a better mother and wife when I take care of myself, but I tend to put me last, which means everyone suffers because I am angry over not getting time to do the things I love like reading, writing, getting a pedicure, sneaking off to a movie alone and doing crossword puzzles.

2. Make time to exercise. My dear, sweet husband did his part to make this easier for me because he cleaned up the "man-pit," which is what we call our home gym, so I can work out in there without feeling overwhelmed by the dirt and clutter and spending my time cleaning and straightening rather than working out.

3. Get a better handle on keeping my house clean and organized. I hate cleaning, but love organizing. I hope to do a better job of cleaning and continue working hard to keep everything in its place.

4. Work hard to eliminate toxic people from my life. These kinds of people do nothing but bring me down. I work very hard to be optimistic and confident. The last thing I need in my life are people who make it harder for me to be my best self.

5. Try to be more accommodating to Amelia's requests for my attention. I have tried to make her be a child who entertains herself, but I now realize, begrudgingly, that she is not that child. Rather than dropping everything to play with her, I hope to include her more in the things that I am doing. She loves to help cook and clean so I plan to put her to work while at the same time giving her the attention she desires so much. I also want to spend time doing crafts with her because she loves them and it's something we can do together that doesn't involve watching television - something we both do too much.

6. Work hard to stick to the Weight Watchers plan. I have never been one to adhere to any kind of diet plan; however, everyone I know who has lost weight and kept it off using Weight Watchers assures me this is a doable plan. Two days into it I am still confused and a bit overwhelmed, but I am going to try to keep with it for a month.

7. As part of the previous resolution, I plan to try to refrain from buying Little Debbie cakes, which are my strongest weakness; Keebler chocolate chip cookies and soft drinks. I love all of these things, but they are not at all good for me or my family; and they are what I crave when I am in the mode of seeking food to comfort me.

8. Start eating meals as a family at the kitchen table. We are horrible about eating in the living room while watching television.

9. Remember that Jeff needs hugs and kisses too. I spent a lot of time showering the girls with hugs and kisses, but some days find myself realizing I may have only kissed Jeff once and not hugged him at all. I expect a lot from him. I should at least be able to express my gratitude by showing him more affection.

Wordless Wednesday

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous new year!