Sometimes not even the thought counts

Since I am still feeling quite under-the-weather, I haven't been doing a whole lot around the house, which means this place looks as though someone backed a garbage truck up to the front door and dumped its entire load into my home. I've filled my time perusing Pinterest, checking out Facebook to see which of my friends is closest to cracking up from the craziness of the season and touring random sites that might make me chuckle.

My most-favorite find is a site that lets people post photos and stories about the worst gift they've ever received.  There are some hilarious things on there, like the penis and testicle slippers, the back scratchers fashioned from turkey feet and the adult-size pink, fuzzy one-piece sleeper. I've chuckled numerous times and laughed out loud a lot too as I've clicked through the many pages on this site.

As I've checked out the awful stuff people have been given, I couldn't help but remember some the truly terrible junk I've been gifted over the years. One of the very, very worst was from a cousin who thought that I at the age of 15 still held a deep affinity for all things porcine even though it had been at least eight years since I'd listed pigs as my favorite animals.

To make matters worse, the pig-themed gifts she gave me were all things one would use in a kitchen like salt-and-pepper shakers, a spoon rest, a soap dispenser and a plastic-bristle scrub brush. She gave me these items for my birthday - my 15th birthday. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, I politely placed the junk back into the box and pushed them to the side hoping the other gifts waiting to be unwrapped were wayyyy better.

Another gift that ranks high on my list of bad presents, came from the mother-in-law of my aunt. But, first a little background on Vivian. She was a woman who came of age during a time when all females were expected to grow up to be homemakers and were trained from a very young age in all things such as sewing, cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing. She was fantastic at her "job" and was a firm believer in making everything from scratch including gifts.

Now, I have nothing against homemade presents. In fact, some of the best gifts I've ever received are ones friends and family have created with their own two hands. However, when I was 10 I did not appreciate nor did I want a crocheted toilet paper cover made to look like a woman wearing a hoop skirt. Even my momma was flabbergasted by this having been deemed an acceptable gift for a child. I am pretty sure she regifted it a few years later.

About a decade ago, a coworker left a present on my desk. He was someone with whom I wasn't particularly close, so I was kind of shocked when I came into work that morning and found he'd left something for me. I was even more shocked when I realized his idea of a gift was filling an obviously-used coffee cup with very old and very chewy peppermint candies.

Later in the day he came by to inquire as to whether I'd liked his gift. He seemed so pleased with himself that I couldn't bear to tell him what was really on my mind so I just told him it was very nice of him to think of me and wished him a very happy holiday. I threw the cup and candy in the trash when I stopped to get gas on my was home from work.

Top of my all-time worst gifts list, though, has to be the items I as well as other members of my mom's family received one Christmas from her nephew. We should have been wary of these gifts since none of them were wrapped and most of them were presented after being pulled from his pockets. Some folks got gold jewelry, a few got pocket knives, others received leather gloves and some were given nice umbrellas. I think I recall there might have been some DVDS distributed as well.

Turns out, all the stuff was HOT AS FIRE! Apparently, he'd cashed in his five-finger discount as local stores in order to procure gifts to give out at the family Christmas gathering. What's worse is that this wasn't the first time this relative had presented stolen goods as gifts for the family. When I was much younger, he'd given VCRs and televisions to most everyone despite the fact he'd been unemployed for a long time. It was later discovered that those electronics had been taken a local high school during a late-night break-in.

Because  I have been the recipient of these and other bad gifts, I always try to give thoughtful gifts selected specifically for each person. I'd rather give nothing than give something unfelt, which is why I am not a fan of "assembly-line gifts." Nothing says "I know nothing about you, but I felt you needed something to open so enjoy the same tchotchke (or other random thing) I gave everyone else."

I feel the same way about receiving gifts. I'd much prefer someone giving me a gift card to Walmart (which sometimes seems like my second home) rather than some rubbish I'll just regift, donate or throw away. Or, even better, take me out to lunch or for coffee, offer to babysit for me and just gift me with your time.

One of the best gifts I received for my recent birthday was from a friend who took the time to stop by with her children for a visit. She brought homemade donuts and lovely hand-crafted bracelets for me and my girls; but, by far, the best present was that she thought enough of me to want to spend just a bit of my special day with me.

That kind of present can't be bought in a store, but it's one I'll treasure forever and one I certainly won't be tossing out with the trash.